2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
