You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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