There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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