Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
