you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
