My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
