I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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