i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
