Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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