my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
