So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize