Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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