obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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