Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize