Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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