oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
