So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
