Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
