I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As shirtless as possible
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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