If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize