He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
