awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
