nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
