Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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