remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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