its not stalking. its research.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
