We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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