dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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