Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
