Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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