i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
