i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize