He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize