Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
