I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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