So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize