I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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