belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
