I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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