Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
