Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
