I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
