do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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