Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
