All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
