But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
