If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
