Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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