elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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