it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
