Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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