I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
