Pappa wants mamma naked
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
