You're my little dorito
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize