But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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