so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Randomize
