Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize