Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize