the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
