i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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