he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize