Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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