the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
