i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
