why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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