Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
