then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
