How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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