I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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