While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
