woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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