Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
