you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
