Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's get the cat blown out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
