When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize