I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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