what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
