Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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