Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
