guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
