ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
