Will you blow on my dice?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize