Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
