yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
