Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think your dad took our porno
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
