my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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