Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
