Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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