i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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