I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
