She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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