Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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