Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
