Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
