Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize