I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
