That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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