I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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