Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
