I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
