Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
