you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
