No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
