If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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