The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize