you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
