just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
