whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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