Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
