He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
