i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
